Fuck all these thaat are coming to me all @ once.

I don't feel like posting about today.
But i have to :/ I was woken up by Pengkoon. He gave a a phone call, asking me to accompany him to school to check about his retaining application. Then i agreed, but soon later. Terror arrived. We were still texting, when he suddenly told me, he's got a good news. The Vice-Principal has called him already. & has asked him to go back down to school on Monday. But for me, she called, but told me to get ready for a Second Option. She asked me to submit my JAE. But she didn't tell me anything about the interview.

I panicked.

I was afraid. I really was. I was in an unclear state of mind. I wasn't doing what my mind was telling to do. I was losing control, I swear i really was. I started doing things that i didn't want to do. I sent harsh and hurtful messages. I was afraid, i wouldn't be able to retain. I placed all my hopes so high, & it all came crashing down on me. It hit me hard, real hard. I fell onto the ground, & i'm thinking of how i'm gonna pick myself up after this blow. I'm afraid, i dare not carry on. I thought, maybe by having another year, i could do better, & maybe i could excel. But this hope, is gone.

I went back to school,

In a very unstable state. My tears was forming up on my eyelashes. I walked into the school. Headed to the Sewing Room to find Mr Gabriel, i talked to him less than 5 seconds. I broke down. He knew nothing about what happened to me. The previous night, i just had a tiff with my mum. She doesn't trust me. & she doesn't believe in anything i said. I said i'll retain, and strive for better results. Guess what, which parent would discourage you, and doubt you? Every parent would encourage their kid in whatever they want and wishes to pursue. But guess what? Mine doubts that i can make it again.

When all my hopes and faith have all crushed down,

I need my loved ones to pick me up again. But this is what they give it to me. I don't need this, i need none of it. If you're going to worsen it, forget it. & keep it all for yourself. I never needed a family to break all my hopes and discourage me. I don't need, & i don't want any of this. I'm getting sick just stressing myself about this. I'm down with quite a warm body temperature, cough, flu, headache. & my migraine is all coming back. I'm getting so sick and tired of all this bullshit. I really am.

Fuck this, fuck life, fuck school.